Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Clinton Announces Candidacy for President

The 45th President of the United States?
Incredible breaking news out of New York today:
It was a move that no one saw coming. 
Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has today announced her candidacy for President of the United States.
"No one should have a monopoly on glass ceiling breakage," Clinton told supporters early Wednesday morning, adding "2016 is also shaping up to be a race between dynasties, and you can't simply marry your way into one." 
Chelsea Clinton turned 35 in February, making her constitutionally eligible for the presidency in 2016. 
In a shrewd maneuver, her announcement officially occurred on Twitter in the wee hours of the first day of April, the very month that her mother was widely expected to announce her candidacy.


Surprisingly, the recent controversy surrounding her mother's use of private email at the State Department seems to have played heavily into her decision.
"Marc and I had a real good laugh about the whole 'convenience' excuse", Chelsea Clinton told USA Today. 
"Listen, I've spent plenty of time around that secret server in Chappaqua, and let me tell you...there are some really dark things going on in there." Clinton said. "I'm talking super-villain stuff that would make Doctor Evil blush. If you take all the craziest conspiracy theories and triple them...that still doesn't get close to what's really going on. It raises many deep concerns."
Reaction to Chelsea Clinton's announcement was swift on all sides of the political spectrum.
"Obviously, this is unexpected but welcome news for the Republican Party." RNC chair Reince Priebus gleefully noted, "If Hillary Clinton's own daughter doesn't trust her to run the country, why should the American people?"
"Um...what?!" DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz shouted. "Let me figure out what the hell is going on here and I'll get back to you." 
President Obama weighed in as well, striking a more diplomatic tone.
"Look, the notion that somehow having two Clintons running against each other will hurt our process is nonsense," the president said. "Our democracy thrives on debate, even if that debate is between a mother and her daughter on the national stage." 
President and Mrs. Clinton were not available for comment at press time.
Stay tuned to Hillary HQ and read more about this rapidly developing story at USA Today.

2 comments:

  1. You've really got a scoop here! (Good thing I had the sound off when I clicked on the USA Today link.)

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    1. Yeah really! So many news sites just play a video along with their stories whether you want it or not! :)

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